You’re losing. Your selfish manipulating is taking over in you. Your worries and pessimism are getting the best of you. But wait! Jesus rode that wave of baptism into you (or still could!). Romans 6: 3 Don’t you know that all of us who were baptized into Christ Jesus were baptized into his death? 4 We were therefore buried with him through baptism into death 6 For we know that our old self was crucified with him so that the body ruled by sin might be done away with, that we should no longer be slaves to sin.
Follow Joseph & Nicodemus carrying Jesus’ corpse from the cross, and laying it to rest in the grave (Luke 23:50ff). And then see a risen Jesus, carrying your selfishness and fears into his tomb and sealing it.
Things haven’t worked out like they were supposed to. You tried your best, but things are still a mess. There are forces at work that are beyond your control – even devilish. Where your power fails, know that Jesus’ burial & resurrection power are at work. Even if the odds are stacked against you “a zillion to one,” Jesus has already ruled in your favor.
That’s God’s Sabbath rest. That’s his peace that surpasses understanding. Seek and find that rest in Jesus’ burial and rising from the dead. Amen.